Are You Copping Out?
Stop making excuses
Recently, some guy told me about a woman he met in a nightclub on the weekend. What now sounds like a story with a foregone conclusion didn’t end so well, though, as he blundered at a moment when it was already obvious that she wanted him. It was something rather simple.
Some girls like to play hard to get, so she turned around and pretended to walk off. He was baffled and didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t do anything at all. However, all he would have needed to do was going after her and telling her that he’s getting a cab. This would probably have gotten him laid.
When I pointed this out to him, he didn’t say, “Oh, thanks for telling me this! I guess I was a bit stupid then.” Instead, he became a bit sullen and responded that he hadn’t actually wasn’t that interested in her in the first place. I couldn’t help but laugh and asked him, if this really was the case, why he then bothered to go after her. He didn’t have a good answer to that.
This is a rather lighthearted example, but the problem is much more general, and quite serious, too. Of course, I won’t tell you what goals you should set for yourself and what you should achieve in life or just today. Yet, if you want to achieve something but fail, then at least be honest about it.
It’s not easy to admit failure, but it’s necessary to grow. Otherwise, you will only delude yourself. This happens in all areas, no matter if it’s about, say, a job in the entertainment industry, a promotion to Vice President, a difficult skill like playing the piano, or mastering a complex game like chess, climbing the Matterhorn, traveling through India, or dating a particular woman. You decided to pursue something or someone, and once you realized it wouldn’t work out, you suddenly figured out that you didn’t really want it in the first place.
If you apply for a job at Google because you really want to work for them, and they tell you that you don’t have the kind of skills they are interested in, then you can either tell people that you probably wouldn’t have liked it there anyway or that you weren’t really serious about it. Sadly, it is just an expression of denial. But there is also a chance to grow, because if you are really serious about it, then you may decide to improve your skills and try again in a year or two, and even if they still turn you down, you have at least gained some valuable technical skills.
Know what your goals are, and stick to them. Telling yourself afterwards that you weren’t serious about something, didn’t really want it, or didn't care either way is nothing but a cop-out to protect your ego. Of course it’s much easier to make an excuse, however implausible, than to admit to yourself that you screwed up, were turned down, or didn’t manage to meet someone else’s standards. Either you want something, or you don’t. Figure out what it is, and go after it. But stop making excuses.
