Not Getting it Up?

In one of the more interesting email I recently got, one of my readers, let’s call him Geoffrey, told me that he took a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy in the cab already. However, when it was time for them to enjoy themselves in his bedroom, this poor fellow could not get an erection, and a more humiliating experience followed. 

This is probably a situation we all have encountered, and if you are a woman reading this, you can probably sympathize with us men. However, I am not going to talk about erectile dysfunction or any other sure-fire conversation killer. Geoffrey himself wrote that he viewed it as a psychological issue. Probably he really was just a tad nervous. The much more interesting part, though, is the following statement: 

“But the funny part is that she wants to see me again. After my performance, I actually I thought she would just run out of my room.” 

I can understand why a man would think like this. We only have to picture the situation with exchanged roles. Let’s assume he took a girl home, but suddenly she decided, for no plausible reason whatsoever, that she doesn’t want to have sex anymore and instead just sits there, unmovable. Of course, a guy is then justified in not wanting to see her again. He would rightly feel mocked or led on. 

However, what I have just described is a much different situation. After all, it wasn’t that Geoffrey could perform but didn’t want to. The exact opposite was true: He wanted to perform but couldn’t. The reasons don’t necessarily matter, and, various medical issues put aside, there are plenty of good reasons why the night ended not quite like he had imagined. Nothing has to be wrong with the guy! Nervousness probably only added to the combines effect of tiredness and hunger, and this might show the biggest stud where his limits are. 

What happened in Geoffrey’s apartment was something probably every woman with just a bit of experience has encountered herself before. Heck, maybe she would have been surprised if it would go too smoothly. It’s rather common, and nothing that should concern you much. In fact, as long as the girl likes you and finds you attractive, she will view it as minor issue. On the other hand, if she found you neither attractive nor likable, then why did she come with you in the first place? 

Actually, women often put the blame on themselves because they think there is something wrong with them if there is an issue in the bedroom. This way of reasoning is as strange as Geoffrey’s above. The solution, though, could be so simple. You merely let the chips fall were they may, and if it doesn’t happen right now, it will happen some other time. It’s not as if your or her life depends on it. Sex is just the icing on the cake. It shouldn’t be the main reason why you want to be with someone.