Some seemingly difficult problems have surprisingly simple solutions. It isn’t so much the case that it was too difficult to find a way around those obstacles, but merely that it’s hard to approach an issue with a completely open mind. If you like action movies, then you’ve probably watched Raiders of the Lost Ark. In one particularly remarkable scene, Indiana Jones gets challenged by a sword-fighter. His stature and obvious skills with his weapon look impressive at first. But what does Indy do? After a moment of hesitation he realizes something very important but not immediately obvious: that he can just shoot the guy! 

In real life, alternative solutions don’t necessarily have such a powerful effect, but on the other hand, you normally don’t face life or death situations either. One of your concerns may be to become a better conversationalist. If you seek advice, you will hear that you should join an organization like Toastmasters to polish your public speaking skills. Somebody else may recommend stand-up comedy to improve your sense of humor, and lastly, there is the rather vague suggestion to read about many culturally relevant topics, so that you always have something knowledgeable or insightful to contribute. 

While all of this may be sound advice, it somewhat misses the point. Frankly, in my opinion the world is already too full of people who always have something to say, and if it’s not about their achievements, which are all insignificant in the grand scheme of things anyway, then they want to impress you with tales of their travels, or pull out yet another possibly wrongly memorized sentence from one of the books their teachers told them to read. If you put two such people next to each other, they are likely to engage in some kind of duel to figure out who has more “cultural capital.” Or, if they belong to a less refined kind of people, they try to figure out how much money the other guy has.


Conversing with strangers isn’t necessarily the most pleasant activity, but it’s often hard to avoid. However, once you possess a basic level of conversational competence, you could try a much simpler technique to improve your imagined lack of skill in this regard: Instead of trying to dominate the conversation, you could listen to what the other person is actually saying. This has many positive effects. One is that you avoid the immaturity of having to size each other up, like in the examples just mentioned. You let the other guy talk, and you contribute a few things yourself at the right time. Since so many people love to hear themselves speak, they much rather talk to someone who is an active listener instead of some other guy who is just like them. 

Just try it yourself, and you will be surprised. I certainly was when I recently ended up talking to a psychologist on the train. Our conversation lasted for well over an hour, and I was very interested in what he had to say. My own contributions to the conversation were rather minimal, though. Yet, when we were shaking hands at the end, I was most surprised that he thanked me, with a big smile, for the “great conversation.” This really made me think.